Shhh


Shhh

 

Amid the silence

Soft whispers of wind

Soothe my restless soul

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A Comedy Tonight


This was a poem I wrote last year, July 26 to be precise.  I haven’t written much new material for awhile…have been busy with other things and kind of have set all that writing on the shelf for a good while.  But lately I’ve been reading through a lot of it again. 

I’m posting this poem again not because there’s any particular kind of drama going on at the moment in my life…just something I was talking about recently with a friend, and about taking the drama and finding comedy within it as much as possible.  This speaks along those lines.  I hope you’re all having a wonderful weekend.  It is good to be back. 🙂

A Comedy Tonight

A tragedy it is, when drama’s left to rule my life

And all about the tears I cry, the worries and the strife

What fun that it can be to take the drama all around

And turn it into comedy and laughter, I have found

~~~

I know that it’s not easy implementing this ideal

The drama that I sometimes have, is sorrowful and real

I know I must allow myself sometimes to frown and cry

To cry out to my God above and ask, Lord when?  Lord why?

~~~

But wallowing is not an option I’ll allow myself

I’ve been there and I’ve done that, now I’ve put it on the shelf

It’s much more fun to smile and laugh, e’en in the midst of pain

And in the end, the difference ‘tween insanity and sane.

~~~

So laugh at me, I won’t protest, when I am feeling blue

But don’t forget that I will do the same regarding you

I do not speak of making fun of pain that’s raw, and real

I have a heart that feels for you, it is not made of steel

~~~

Above all, may I not forget that kindness matters much

Cold shoulders often harden hearts, not so a gentle touch

This is the day the Lord has made…that’s what I’m talking ’bout

I will rejoice, and glad I’ll be, and of His love I’ll shout!

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Checking in


I haven’t been back here in so long I couldn’t remember my password.  I am as a result seriously behind on notifications, and I apologize if you have commented for no reply.  Life has been busy, but there’s much to be thankful for.

Since I’ve been here, I completed my massage therapy schooling. YAY!  I took the National exam on Monday and passed that, so have sent off for my license, and am thankful about that.  I’ve moved too, and that’s been keeping me busy…just to a different place.  Still in Pensacola.

There’s not a lot more to say at the moment.  Frankly I’m too tired to really say much.  For all your responses in my absence, whether kudos or complaints, I do thank you.  I appreciate the kudos always of course, but the complaints are good too, to remind me not to take myself too seriously.  One thing about this blog, I’m honest whatever I’m feeling or thinking though.  You can always expect that from me.

Hope you’re all doing well.  For those still around, thank you for that.

Love and blessings,

Anne

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If I’m living in a dream world, please don’t wake me


If I’m living in a dream world, please don’t wake me.

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Random Thoughts for a Saturday


I haven’t been here in almost a month.  My, how time flies.  I’ve been going through a bit of a ‘slump’, personally, and just mostly trying to get through that.  Thanks to those of you who have stuck with me. 

School’s going pretty well…my grades have slacked off just a bit lately.  Nothing serious, but I’m sure it has to do with that slump because I have been having a lot of difficulty concentrating, and have been fighting off discouragement.  Again, nothing serious.  I have hope still…always.  One has to have hope or there is nothing.  My hope is in my faith.  It’s not in other people, for certain, nor is it in myself, nor is it in my circumstances.  I fail others and myself.

But that brings me to these thoughts today, about how I’m just not good.  There are those who would be ready to come along and say, “I know THAT’s right!”  There would be others who would quickly chastise me and try to point out all the good that is in me.  But I know who and what I am.  I can say honestly that I have a kind heart…I always have.  I care about people.  But I also have a quick temper…quicker with the age I’ve accrued, for certain.  I’ve always been stubborn…very stubborn.  But I haven’t always been as opinionated as I am.  When I was young, I questioned things deeply, and through that, I developed my opinions and ideas…and the things that I found to be true through it all.  Really, the only thing true through it all is the goodness of my Father God and his love and mercy…and the truth of my Christian faith. 

I’ve had a week that hasn’t gone so well in some ways.  I would say it has nothing to do with the way the election went on Tuesday, but that’s not true, because indirectly it has.  It’s not about the actual results as much as it’s about the ripple effect the whole thing has had among families and friends.  But that’s just part of it.

I can say another thing about myself that some might call ‘good’.  I am true.  If you’re my friend and we have some sort of disagreement or ‘falling out’, I’m not going anywhere.  I may step aside and give us room…but that’s usually not out of my choice.  Earlier this week it was, in one of the situations.  The person involved has some very real reasons why the ‘incident’ happened.  But that said, it was unfair to me…and didn’t just hurt me, but hurt someone else in the process.  I have my own issues and I cannot handle being in a friendship where every look, or word, or movement that I make is misconstrued to be something that it’s not.  That said, I reached out to the person with a long message, and then I apologized for bad behavior on my part, out of my anger at the way that other innocent person had been hurt through it all.  If that person wanted to make amends, I would set it aside to try to do so.  But as I said…I’m not that ‘good’ of a person that I want to reach out anymore than I already have to make amends.  The ball is in her court.

I have had other people decide to walk away from me, or become angry with me.  The same thing applies.  I will not lose sleep over it, because ultimately it’s God whose opinion I’m most concerned with.  I’m not saying I don’t want to change what I need to change.  I’m not saying I don’t want to ‘see’ those things (though sometimes I really don’t want to see them…but I do ask to see them anyway.)  I’m just saying…what it boils down to, I mean…is that it’s not what other people tell me I need to change that I should worry about.  I might consider those things…I do consider those things.  But I also know that I have some really good friends who I have great big disagreements with, and our friendship is unaffected…because we know each other.  That’s not always the case, and it’s okay…it’s going to happen.  I need to let it go.  Life’s not all about me…I don’t think it is.  Actually, I think it’s all about God…my Father in heaven who ultimately has it all in the palm of His hand.

I will carry on…I will fight my way through this discouragement I feel right now by focusing on God’s word and His absolutely unmatchable and incredible love.

Love and blessings,

Anne

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Tuesday…No Blues Day


That’s right…NO blues on this absolutely gorgeous day. 🙂  I haven’t even opened my blog in several days…maybe a week or so.  Have been busy with school and various things.  Grace turned 11 this weekend and we celebrated that with much joy and fun and laughter.  But as a result of the weekend’s celebration and church, I’m playing catchup today with homework and studies…exam tonight in A & P.  I got my homework done, except for a couple things I’m stumped on at the moment, so I thought I’d take a break.

School has been going well and I am still enjoying it so very much, and so thankful for the opportunity to learn and grow.  I’m so excited about the future in the field.  I had my first clinic Friday night, where we get to massage actual clients.  I was nervous but excited, but it went very well and I got very good feedback, so the next one should be easier.  I also got my grades last night for the classes I’ve completed, and I have straight A’s…4.0 grade point average.  Pardon me for bragging a little bit on that, because I am proud of myself, and very thankful.

There’s not much else going on that’s any different.  We still have blessings we’re exceedingly thankful for, as well as yet unmet needs that we’re praying and trusting for.  And I still have a smile on my face most of the time.  Well…I confess that I got frustrated when I messed up on my homework this morning…through a pencil down and broke the point off.  🙂 But it was a short lived moment of frustration.   Traci is on vacation this week so home from work, and Grace is home today from school with a cold.  One of Jen’s jobs (a temp job) ended so she’s looking for a replacement now, and she’s still busy as a bee with the various directions she runs in daily.  But she’s been able to be home the last few days and it’s been nice to have her here.  We heard from Tommy, and he’s now the caretaker at the farm where he works in Virginia…a blessing but a busy one, with more hours and 24/7 availability.  But he’s doing well and is thankful.

That’s it for now…really just checking in to say hello and I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth or anything. Ha ha! 

Love and blessings,

Anne

 

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Understanding, Acceptance and Trust


I have this deep seeded need to understand things.  I’m always saying those words, “I don’t understand.”  And they’re usually followed by the words, “but I trust God.”  That third word in the title of this…the one in the middle, I guess I’m realizing that I haven’t quite reached.  I have to a degree, but if I’m still consistently saying those words…”I don’t understand”…I think it indicates a lack of acceptance on my part.

That said, I think there are things that I’m not supposed to just accept.  You know the Serenity Prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”  That prayer, I think, is one I should be lifting up every day.  There are things I shouldn’t accept, but should change, whether they’re outside circumstances, or things within me that I need to make changes with.  But as for that acceptance of things I don’t understand it’s very difficult for me.

I can see God’s hand in my life through both the good times and the bad.  I can also see His hand at work in the lives of loved ones.  His love is truly amazing.  I have seen it in amazing ways He has worked out impossible situations…I have felt it in the midst of great grief.  It’s real, and it’s immense.

So then, my prayer is for acceptance…to realize finally that perhaps understanding only really entails reaching the goal expressed in that serenity prayer.  I am here today, right here with what’s before me.  And it’s good.  There are things that are right, there are things that are more than right…that are amazing, and there are other things that are not quite right in my mind, but have potential for me to make good out of anyway.  And there are things I have no control over that God is working out in His way.

We all have free will.  God does not force us to comply to His will, or others to comply with ours either!  But He can work in the midst and make something good out of our choices.  And there again, you have a thing that I don’t quite understand.  Who can understand God’s ways, after all?  They’re so far above ours.  His capacity for love is so far above ours.

I took some time earlier and wrote some things out…not for publication, but just to sort of document how I’ve seen God’s hand in my life through the last several years.  It’s unmistakable and amazing.  I do trust Him.  And while there are other things that I might want to understand, that’s all I really need to understand. 

Lamentations 3:31-33

“For no one is cast off
    by the Lord forever.
Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
    so great is his unfailing love.
For he does not willingly bring affliction
    or grief to anyone.”

Psalm 136

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.

to him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever.

who by his understanding made the heavens,
His love endures forever.
who spread out the earth upon the waters,
His love endures forever.
who made the great lights—
His love endures forever.
the sun to govern the day,
His love endures forever.
the moon and stars to govern the night;
His love endures forever.

to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt
His love endures forever.
and brought Israel out from among them
His love endures forever.
with a mighty hand and outstretched arm;
His love endures forever.

to him who divided the Red Sea[a] asunder
His love endures forever.
and brought Israel through the midst of it,
His love endures forever.
but swept Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea;
His love endures forever.

to him who led his people through the wilderness;
His love endures forever.

to him who struck down great kings,
His love endures forever.
and killed mighty kings—
His love endures forever.
Sihon king of the Amorites
His love endures forever.
and Og king of Bashan—
His love endures forever.
and gave their land as an inheritance,
His love endures forever.
an inheritance to his servant Israel.
His love endures forever.

He remembered us in our low estate
His love endures forever.
and freed us from our enemies.
His love endures forever.
He gives food to every creature.
His love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His love endures forever.

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I’m gonna hurt you


I tend to be an analytical sort of person.  Always have been.  I see someone act a certain way and my mind just goes to trying to figure out the reasons why.  I do think there is wicked, and there is good.  But for the most part, I think all of us have a little of both within us.  Some just choose, for whatever reason, to accentuate one of them more than the other.  That said, there are people who do pretty wicked things while hiding under a mask of good too.  And there are people who come off as not so nice, but deep inside, they may have a heart of gold.

Most of us at one time or another know what it’s like to get angry at someone and lash out in that moment of passion.  I know I do.  I’ve done it…more than once.  I’ve either lashed out in words (usually), or one time I started flinging dishes across the room in my anger.  I busted up some nice stuff too…and then just had to clean it up when that moment passed.  And some people lash out with physical violence toward others, of course.

And then there’s the careless sort of hurting people…things like gossiping about them, or just not thinking about what you’re saying to them when you say it.  That’s not really with any maliciousness at all…just something most of us have done, or do sometimes…and it is unfortunate because all that is potentially hurtful to someone.  And I do think hurting people is an unfortunate thing…not just for the person who is hurt, but for the person doing the hurting.

Anyway, there is one thing I just can’t really understand.  I mean, I ‘sort of’ understand, but unless a person is just wicked, I don’t understand how they can consciously and maliciously set out to hurt another person…seek to destroy that person, fully aware of what they’re doing.  And the thing is, I don’t think it’s just wicked people who do that.  I think (coming from that analytical place again) it’s people who for one reason or another, have to feel ‘tough’, and ‘powerful’, or something.  And many times, from my observations, there is deep hurt underneath that facade of power.  I’ve talked about similar topics on here before, I know…that idea of people having to be tough and strong and never give any appearance of weakness.  The first thing that comes to mind here as I type this today is politics…but we all know what that’s become.  But it’s not just politicians.  It’s regular people…you and me who do these things.

I have sort of decided in the end that I don’t have to fully understand everything.  Not that I’m ever going to if I thought I had to. 🙂 Oh, I’ll go on being this analytical person, and regarding individuals who I know, I’ll try to figure them out probably…at least to a point before I just sort of ‘let them be’ in my mind and don’t concern myself with it at all.  There will always be people who live by the motto, “nice guys finish last.”  And there will be others who are more of the “turn the other cheek” sorts.  And of course I think all of us are somewhere in between at one time or another.  Still, my advice is…be good to one another.  If you aren’t, for whatever reason at some point in time, apologize and let it go and move on.  That’s my advice, because life is short, and it matters greatly what we do and how we treat people.  And one action by one person toward one other person can have a domino effect on so many other people, in ways we may never know.

And now, I will finish my coffee and do some studying here in just a bit.  I’ve had 2 nice little walks this morning, and a yummy cherry cheese danish that was really bad for me, but sure tasted good. 🙂  Have a wonderful Tuesday.  I hope all you meet today are good to you.

Love and blessings,

Anne

 

 

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