As some of you know, I began classes back in March to become a licensed massage therapist, but because of illness, I had to withdraw. Fortunately, all of my financial aid was returned, because it happened so early after I had begun. But I was discouraged. Still, it was what it was. That seems to be what I find myself saying from time to time lately…”it is what it is.”
As it turns out, I was able during that time, with a lot of help from friends who drove me around to appointments, to get my health in check. Not only that, but through what was nothing short of a miracle, I was able to get my dental needs met in an absolutely amazing way. I now have a mouthful of crowns, all through a benefactor who absolutely does not want to be named. The difference is amazing, and I can smile again…really smile…without my hand going over my mouth, or without trying not to let my decaying teeth show. I am truly thankful to that person and others who were involved in the process…and mostly to God. There is no question in my mind of the miracle that whole thing was.
Then, shortly before my teeth were all done, I got a call from the director of the school, letting me know that another class would be beginning, and asking if I wanted to be in it. Yes! I finished my dental appointments about the same time I was beginning again at school, at the end of June.
School has been going well. There are good days and not as good days, as with anything in life. Everyone there is dealing with the desire to get it done and finish successfully, in the midst of whatever life is dealing them. And for all of us, some of those things want to interfere at times. That’s life, and you just have to continue on and set those things aside as much as possible and carry on toward the goal.
But what about that word…’goal’? What about that word, when you are at the same time having faith in God to direct your path? I mean, you can have goals, dreams, hopes, and plans all you want…but if it is not in line with what God wants you to do, it’s not going to happen. Believe me…I have found that out at times in ways that weren’t very pleasant, when I was absolutely deadlocked in a situation. Others would say, “why don’t you…?”, “you should…”, “if you were only…”, and my favorite…”you must not want it badly enough.” 🙂 It’s kind of funny, but annoying at times, I admit. But that’s human nature, and I’ve done it too. It’s so very easy to look at someone else’s life and see what they’re doing wrong and know what they should be doing to fix it…much easier than fixing your own life most of the time.
Anyway, what I am doing now is obviously within God’s plan for me. It is not easy. There are things about it that have been difficult and frustrating. Again, that is life, and you just carry on through those things.
I am so thankful for where I am at right now. Do I mean that everything in my life is exactly as my hopes, dreams, plans and goals would look? No…certainly not. There are ‘stray ducks’, I guess you could say…not all lined up in that row neatly. Most of the time, that is the way it is in life. I will also say that sometimes that’s my fault. Sometimes the ducks aren’t in a row because I didn’t do what it takes to line them up. Other times it’s because the timing is not right, or it’s not what is supposed to be.
I was thinking about the difference between waiting on God, and stepping out, in terms of all of this. I think there’s a fine line between going by Proverbs 3:5-6 and trusting God fully…not trying to understand the why, or how, or when…and in knowing He will direct where we go…and still moving forward in life rather than just sitting around waiting for some loud, bold voice to tell you what to do. We have to step out…to march on and carry on. We just have to be listening for that voice in the midst…to have that communication line open between us and God. And we have to be willing, if He suddenly says to turn around, or to take a side road, that there is a reason for that and that reason may not look good…but will be good. Like when I had to withdraw from school…I tried hard not to have to…but it was what I had to do and I knew it. I had really thought that God directed me there and opened that door for me. It was hard to understand why the door seemed to close in my face so fast. But meanwhile, other ducks got lined up in a row, with my health. And now I am back in school, able to be there regularly, and doing pretty well with it. I look forward to getting that license when this is over, and hopefully to finding a job working with hospice patients, or in a hospital setting perhaps. That’s where my heart is.
I have even thought that I might continue my education in other directions later on as well…maybe study to become a physical therapy assistant. I do have goals. I have hopes and dreams. I am thankful this door has been opened for me, and look forward to whatever is in store ahead, in my life. I know that some will be amazingly good. Other things will not be so good. That is inevitable…it is how life is.
Bottom line in all this…God is good. I trust Him. I know without a doubt that He is worthy of that trust, and I remain very thankful.
Love and blessings,