…and not much to say. Grace left today to visit her daddy for awhile this summer. I’m still frustrated about some things that aren’t yet settled with my health. Just when I think I have it all resolved I get another call, and it’s difficult not to be frustrated, though I’d really like to say I’m just trusting it’ll all be fine. And I think it will. I really do. I’m just tired of the appointments, and got called to go in again Tuesday morning to discuss that last mammogram.
I have a ton of things to do around here, and hopefully that will keep my mind off the rest of it until school starts. There’s plenty to work on until Grace gets back home again. And of course school starts on the 18th for me again. That’s just over a week away. I’m looking forward to that, and hoping SO much that all the other stuff is behind me with these appointments. I’m trusting for some of the other issues that need resolving in my life…like needing a vehicle! And Traci still needs one too.
So I know I can be thankful for a great deal right now…the dental needs being met, the health things being (sort of) taken care of…school beginning again with the promise of a good job shortly into the new year. It also has not escaped me that there are some with worse problems right now than my own. I have in fact dealt with a whole lot worse problems in my own life. But I still feel the pressure. Does that make me a bad person? Does that make me selfish…that I want to have sufficient income to live on and reliable transportation to get myself around? That I even want my own place again? God knows my heart, as far as the ‘selfish’ thing goes. I refuse to be a braggart of the things I’ve done to help others…but I will say that I am not just a taker. Yet, that’s what I ‘feel’ like, when I have to rely on others for rides to this place or that…or when I in any way can’t just take care of myself and my own needs. And I especially feel that way when I know there’s ‘whispering’ going on. But I also know that’s just how the world works. People like to talk about other people and how they should be fixing their problems. I guess it makes them feel better about their own lives. And that shouldn’t make me angry, but it does. But where does that feeling of anger come from really? It comes from the fact that I feel ‘low’ myself about some of these things…so it hits home with me, and it hurts.
I am even ashamed of myself for typing this right now…for feeling some of these things that I am. But I’m just being honest. If I just present myself when life is good and I’m positive and bubbly, that’s not the whole picture of who I am. That would make me some sort of fake who was trying to present some pretty image. Lord knows, I wish I could though…I wish that was the only thing within me…happy thoughts and goodness.
I am a woman of faith. I don’t have to prove that to anyone. But I am also just a woman…one who gets lonely, and tired, and sometimes just feels old and…well…a mess. LOL Doesn’t everyone feel that way sometimes? And if so, why is it wrong to say so.
I trust God to provide my needs…and I’m asking Him to please hurry. That’s okay too…right? 🙂
I hope you all have a terrific weekend, at any rate. And that’s the truth. 🙂 I’m not entirely self-absorbed today! (lol)
(Oh…and apparently I had more to say than I thought I did!)
Love and blessings,