Forecast: Dark clouds looming over heart


I feel that nasty depressed feeling wrapping its claws around me again.  Stupid, insidious thing that it is, it creeps up on you.  I can’t focus lately again.  Can’t concentrate on conversations or on much of anything.  Was drifting at church again yesterday, struggling to stay focused, tearful and all that nonsense.

That said, it’s not like it once was, all those years ago.  I can’t imagine that I’ll ever again get to the place where I want to give up, in the sense of considering taking my own life.  I may lie down and pray I won’t wake up at times, (not even there right now, thankfully) but it was different all those years ago, because I didn’t understand it…thought I was just crazy and hopeless.  And I’m not.  I have lots to live for and all that jazz.  Well…all that jazz is one of the things to live for.  I love jazz. 🙂 (Just trying to inject at least a bit of humor in this post.)

Anyway, I’m not in the depths of some depression or anything like that, so don’t think that.  But I am going to get off this computer today.  I’m sure I’ll be back later on.  It’s a beautiful day outside.  I’m going to try to spend as much time in the sunshine as I can, and get some things done around here too.

You know, with yesterday being Mother’s Day, I was naturally thinking a lot about Mom.  With all that she went through and had to endure through the years, I don’t think she ever got to these ‘dark places’ that I go to sometimes.  Can I say that for certain?  No…maybe she had her moments.  But I just can’t conceive it.  She carried on.  I wish so much that I was like that.  But unfortunately I took after my father in that regard I guess.  He was depressed, and drank to soothe it.  I don’t drink to soothe it, but I have in the past at times, though they weren’t long lasting. 

I hope you all have a wonderful day, and a wonderful week ahead.  Love and blessings to you all…along with a little jazz for your Monday enjoyment. –Anne

 

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About Anne Sikes

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us." (2 Cor. 4:7) Sharing the journey through daily thoughts and struggles, examination of Scripture, poetry, music and art.
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6 Responses to Forecast: Dark clouds looming over heart

  1. shianwrites says:

    I hope you feel better by the end of the day. Whenever I get that feeling, I find talking with the right friend and watching upbeat movies or comedy helps… Enjoy your Jazz and have a relaxing week.

    • Anne Sikes says:

      Thank you Shian! I appreciate that. Got a load of laundry in, and have enjoyed the sunshine out there some. Spent an hour or so on the telephone in good conversation. I appreciate that. I should stick a comedy in the DVD player, actually. My girls are huge movie fans and have tons of them around here to choose from. You have a wonderful week too!! Blessings — Anne

  2. Candy S says:

    Don’t let the enemy to take you into those dark places, continue to let the Joy of the Lord shine through. Seeing where I am now, I wouldn’t believe that I have been in some mighty dark places too, but I enjoy the light a whole lot better. 🙂

  3. Sometimes I find that when there are good and special times like you’ve had the past several days…one can experience a ‘temporary’ let down. We want to always feel those special times and yet reality sneaks in and says…okay now back to life…just some thoughts Diane

    • Anne Sikes says:

      You’re right, and thank you. I’m doing okay for the moment. Still having some trouble concentrating, but better than this morning. Thank you Diane!! –Anne

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