I have been so excited and thankful for this class I’m taking…for the goal I’m reaching for. I also know that God opened some doors for me and believe strongly He led me in this direction. Yet, no sooner did I enroll in the class than I got very sick. By the time my classes actually started, I was over most of it, except for a nagging cough that has been dragging on and on. And I have some dental issues that badly need to be taken care of too.
Anyway, you have to understand how I am with a goal like this. I not only want to succeed, but I want to excel…I want to be top of my class…not just straight A’s, but perfect scores, perfect attendance, etc. Why? Because it makes me feel really good about ME!
Last night was my first exam in one of the classes. I missed one question. So I got a 98, and was really unhappy about not getting that perfect score that I had coveted. What? Yeah…I know. Kind of ridiculous, and that’s what I’d think if it was someone else saying that. A 98 is pretty good.
Tonight is a different class, and another exam. I went to the doctor this morning to get the results of some blood work I had done recently…out in the rainy weather. I got a prescription for penicillin, and got that filled. Very thankful for that and I know it will help me get well soon and over all of this. I still have to go back for more blood work, and to get a chest x-ray done. I also have to stop taking so much pain reliever like I have been. (I knew that 1600-2400 mg. of Ibuprofin a day was a little excessive, but these teeth have really been hurting.) Anyway, they’re weaning me off of that and I have a dental screening next week after which I will be sent somewhere to have some teeth pulled. No dental insurance, no money and very little income right now, so I receive care at a blessed free clinic in the area. But their services and resources are limited. Still…I am exceedingly thankful for all they do.
Anyway, to get back to the ‘humbling’ thing, as if all of the above isn’t already humbling enough, with being sick, broke and jobless, recently left by my husband, and trying with all I have within me to plug away at this goal that will really be so good in the end…I had to call in and say I’m not going to be at class tonight. I could’ve gone. I could’ve at least gone and taken the test, because I called the school earlier today and the director said I could take the test and then leave, and I was very happily planning to do that. If I have to make it up, I automatically forfeit 5 points off my score. There goes both my perfect score and my perfect attendance. But she said I could go in, take the test and leave, and I wouldn’t be counted absent this time.
But I have gotten worse over the hours since I spoke to her. It came down to the fact that I had to think of the others in the class. Much as I wanted to go on…to just do what I needed to do to make MY goal happen, that’s not fair to the others when I’m sneezing and feverish and spreading my germs all over the place…especially since there’s so much sickness in the air already.
I hate being humbled. It can be no fun. But that said, I love and trust my God infinitely. I know that His plan is ALWAYS best…even if it seems to me that mine would be much better sometimes. 🙂 I’ve learned that lesson well through the years.
So, I accept this, and I thank God for loving me enough to care that I don’t get too puffed up…to care that I’m doing this…reaching for these goals for the right reasons, and still with my eyes focused on Him and His plan, rather than my own.
God is good…ALWAYS!
Love and blessings,