Journey to the Center of My Heart


I’m a simple gal, really.  Yet my thoughts and emotions seem so complex a lot of the time.  I say I’m simple, because there are basic things that drive me.  Those are things like honesty, loyalty, love for all, and very importantly, my faith.  Music drives me too.  I can’t imagine a world without music.  It truly is a wonderful ‘language’, with which you can express any kind of emotion there is.  I have my thoughts and views on life and faith, and certainly on politics and various issues of the day.  I can be quite passionate about them at times.  Yet, my wide variety of friends include people of all sorts of various beliefs and ideas and lives…some much different than my own.  And I love them all.  Some of my best friends, in fact, are people who I don’t see eye to eye with on politics, or even on my Christian beliefs. 

When I was young, I was very timid about sharing my thoughts and views with people.  I was more likely to just nod in agreement than to speak up.  Now I value it greatly, and I greatly cherish that right.  I also was unable a lot of the time to express my emotions, and I won’t get into all of that in this blog.  Maybe some other time, and maybe not. 🙂  I’ve hashed it all out before.  But I learned to put those emotions and feelings into the keys of the piano that I would spend hours playing.  As a child, I would sit at that piano, very out of tune and old, and play for hours in our small home that I shared with my parents and 3 older brothers.  I’d sit there in fact until they were practically ready to kick me off the bench so they could watch television.

I haven’t played the piano much in a rather long time.  Actually, my piano is in storage right now, and I have a keyboard that I pull out on occasion and maybe ‘play at’ for a half hour at the most before becoming frustrated.  I used to write music, but I just haven’t had that music within for a long time.  Oh, I can sit in front of YouTube for a long time going through various videos and listening, or put on some album on my computer and listen.  But actually playing it myself…I don’t know where it’s gone, but I hope it’ll come back to me. It was such a huge part of my life.

So writing it out on here is an outlet for me now.  I think in metaphors a lot of the time too…ha ha…I laugh about that often.  I’m always trying to figure some situation out in my head and wind up putting it into some sort of ‘picture in words’, so to speak.  It’s weird, kind of, but I kind of like that I’m like that too.  Kind of like that note I shared in my last blog.  The note was called “Brick Walls and Barbed Wire”.  That’s the kind of thing I do a lot of the time.

Other times I’m just babbling, as I put it…trying to bring my thoughts into some order, mostly so that I can understand them.  They swirl about in my head sometimes so much and I just feel overwhelmed.  Writing it out helps me greatly.  Drawing on my faith helps me.  You’ll see me post Bible passages a lot of the time too…it helps me and comforts me to draw on that faith…the one, true, constant in my life.  My God who will never leave nor forsake me.  People will.  They’ll leave, or they’ll die, or they’ll just fade away into the sunset somewhere sometimes.

I think I’m a good person.  But I sort of cringe when I say that, too.  That’s because I know my faults better than anyone.  I have lots of them.  One is that if someone knows which buttons to push to send me over the edge, I can really get angry.  I don’t like that about myself, and I will tell you that when it happens it’s a split second before I am exceedingly remorseful about losing my temper.  Oh, it’s not a ‘violent’ temper, though we won’t get into when I was in the throws of menopause…that doesn’t count, right? 🙂  I threw some mail out a window once during that time, and threw a screwdriver across the room…didn’t hit anyone, but I have to say, I scared myself back then!

Mostly though, my temper flare-ups find me spewing forth ugliness across my tongue and out my lips…like a fire breathing dragon, or something.  And really…it takes someone pushing those buttons for that to happen.  I’m not prone to having those ‘episodes’ (we’ll call them that) often at all.  And I will apologize…sincerely and humbly.  I believe apologies are a sign of strength, not of weakness.  We are all human, after all.  We all have our issues…our flaws.  Even some of us who might not ever want to show them, or admit to having them.  They’re still there…and you know it, too! 😉

If you read my blog regularly, you will definitely know me before much time passes.  You’ll know who I am and what I’m about.  You’ll see the good, the bad, and the ugly…all of it from time to time.  There may even be some political issue that comes up (God forbid) that I simply MUST comment about.  I will have to get my 2 cents worth in about it.  And at times when that happens, it comes out like I’m arrogant and maybe even will sound rude sometimes.  I will say here that I do not…ever mean it that way.  One thing about typing these words on here…you don’t have the benefit of tone of voice, eye contact, facial expressions, etc.  We can stick little emoticons in sometimes that help to a degree, but even those can be misinterpreted at times.

But for me…if I sit in a room with you and try to converse, many times I can’t do it.  I’m too shy or something…I come out stuttering and forgetting important things I need to say, or not sounding very confident at all.  I’m much better at written communication.  Therefore I could sit here and type away all day and be perfectly happy…because I love to talk. 🙂  Well…I can be quiet too though. 🙂

I do hope that you will drop by and visit me as I muse about this journey of mine.  And I hope you will stop in and share from your own journey too.  I welcome your thoughts here always.

And now, Sunday is almost over, so I’ll close this for now.  I wish you all a very happy and blessed week ahead. 🙂

Love and blessings,

Anne

About Anne Sikes

"But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us." (2 Cor. 4:7) Sharing the journey through daily thoughts and struggles, examination of Scripture, poetry, music and art.
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